Being on Masterchef

Those of you who know me and have worked with me know that a few years back I made my television cookery debut on Masterchef the professionals, and I didn’t do too bad. However it wasn’t the highlight of my luck favoured career but something I’m still proud of all the same and I want to share it with you, burns and all.

I received an email at work whilst I was head chef of The Old Ship hotel in Brighton inviting me to apply to compete in the first ever series of Masterchef, but with the twist of it being a new format, professional chefs. I don’t know what made me but I filled in the painstaking 45 minute application and sent it off, thinking “fuck it, what’s the worst that can happen?” Fast forward 4 months and I’m sitting in a changing room shitting myself, with freshly shaved goatee beard (being a nervous dickhead I thought it would look smarter than my normal heavy stubble beard) alongside two equally rabbit in a headlight chefs.

The first twist was to become my immediate disadvantage, we were informed that it wouldn’t be the usual host judges, but instead the inclusion of a Michelin starred chef, as soon as I walked into the kitchen to begin the first timed event and introductions my stomach and genitals completed several laps of my body at the stature of Michel Roux Jnr standing in front of me, what disadvantage? The other two chefs had no idea who he was??? And I had just pissed my pants.

I cooked (I thought) quite well in the creativity test, I was wrong. I made stupid rookie mistakes, too many flavour combinations that were confusing and nerves got the better of me, and they let me know that. The time allocation was 40 minutes but you have to allow for interview time during that and what you completely forget watching it on TV is that this is a real completion and the judging standards reflect this, its unequivocally nerve racking the first time out! Being filmed you have different distractions to deal with, most obviously cameras everywhere. Having to shout “oven” every time you open the door to the oven, so they can get a camera in there, and in your way, whilst you complete the basic task of removing something cooked from a hot box. Chopping becomes harder whilst you have a bloke standing on a chair over you pointing a massive camera at your hands! Don’t believe me? Next time you are walking down the street look in someone’s eyes and then down at their feet, they instinctively walk like a div because they know you are watching their feet, it’s weird but very true. Then came the next alien thing to me…….Having put up substandard food that wasn’t to the best of my ability I knew there were some harsh words to be spoken in my direction, and I was prepared. What I wasn’t prepared for was being chewed out and then for someone to say “Sorry sound interference, can you say that again please Michel” Ouch!

After the first test it was anyone’s game but I had relaxed, next up, classic recipe challenge. Boom, this is mine, classically trained at catering college and then again at a classic French 3 rosette restaurant both on the stove and on pastry, my face lit up in hearing “you will need to produce a ballotine of guinea fowl and a puff pastry mille feuille” I cooked with confidence and far more relaxed and produced some nice dishes, being told if I had have run my ballotine through foaming butter it would be perfection. Glancing across at the other dishes produced (plates of harverster abortion) I knew I was through. Although standing in front of Michel and Greg you always think, what if? Whilst waiting for the announcement, guess what? More sound interference, but what you don’t get to see sitting on the sofa, is a rare break in stiff standards and a very welcome joke by Greg helping us all relax. And then the result…….. Bonjour le next round! I had one my heat and my date was set for the filming of the next round, amazing. Cameras appeared in my face and people saying “how do you feel?” I was a bit overwhelmed and muttered something about being delighted, but being TV they wanted more, prodding and poking me to say something to show my ecstasy at winning, and then came the line that my friends still rip me with to this day………”it’s so, so special!” CRINGE! I have waited for the episodes to be removed from you tube to write this, so it’s not worth looking. I do however own a dvd copy and do take bribes.