A welcome day off……..Maybe!

Today I’m enjoying a well-earned day off, my only one this week and I will be dropping by the restaurant in the afternoon to run through the new menu and tastings, I have been looking forward to my day off because looking out the window anyone would be fooled into thinking I’m sitting on a Greek island, well that’s an exaggeration because the squawking seagulls, the bus roaring past, the stone beach and the polish builder seriously distracting the flow of my writing are a bit of a giveaway. The weather is stunningly hot and I’m soon going to be out in it manipulating my body into thinking its back in front of the 6 burner and salamander, because I miss it already. I have gone for straight weeks without a single day off, because I was helping friends out in restaurants or have been short staffed in my own kitchen, but that’s not unusual as a chef, and I don’t think I’m special because of it, as chefs we all do it, and at the end of it, we breathe a sigh of relief and don’t even consider the option of not doing it again, because secretly we enjoy it!

Each chef has a certain sadistic element to their personality, we miss the kitchen because most of our friends are either still slogging it out in a dripping hot sweat box or working their normal socially acceptable hour’s job. We miss being creative, turning raw ingredients into something special and devising new ideas and concepts, challenging ourselves and constantly asking the question “what about this, with that?” Only one way to find out, get creative. We miss the pressure and the violent time restraints; we’re too used to living off a little amount of sleep. It is possible to be tired from too much sleep. We miss the friend standing next to us on the stove or pass that we share so many hours, jokes and banter.

So I’m looking forward to going into work today, because we’re going to get together as a team and taste and discuss the new menu, probably have a little joke and talk about what we did after service last night, well one of the chefs already knows because he called me late last night to run through a few things and ended up taking the piss out of me for making myself a ploughman’s at 11.30, so I’m expecting a little bit of food snobbery banter.

As chefs we all look forward to a day out of the extreme pressure and temperatures, but bottom line. We all secretly can’t wait to get back too it, and I will probably a little dehydrated because I might have a few beers tonight.

Who would be a chef’s partner?

It takes a special kind of person to commit to a relationship with a chef, and I’m saying this as a chef. I mean who in their right mind would put up with us? We work an unholy amount of hours, leaving the house before 8am and returning close to midnight some days, if not most. Meanwhile our patient partners amuse themselves waiting for a small glimpse of the person that they love, strolling through the door, sweaty, exhausted and sporting some fresh injuries from the days graft. Normally wanting to jump straight in the bath, take in a few precious moments of silence, after listening to the continued hustle of a busy kitchen and the relentless groan of the extraction system, or just crack open a cold one. Well that said most likely all three!

Most dedicated and committed chefs will often not admit it, or are not brave enough to for fear of sounding like a heartless animal hacking bastard, but the job comes first. If you don’t adapt to that mentality it will normally always show, and you will only go so far as a chef. Days off are spent face down in books or ringing work to check the handover was all good and talk through some specials, thinking up recipes and catching up on the current televised food competition. Hardly ever cooking up a delicious treat for your deserving partner, because well you have been doing it all week and you just want one day off? Factor in that chefs are social beer glugging monsters that need some catch up time with our friends and fellow pan slinging compatriots from neighbouring restaurants and hotels and that does not leave much time for our reluctant partners. Our hands are rough with that gravel soft callus on the index finger on our knife hands, and we are more likely to be impotent from cooking our genitals on a daily basis in front of that volcanic stove range. We don’t seem to have much appeal?

That said, is it not nice to miss someone? The time you do get to spend with your distant chef partner is time to look forward too, quality and un-wasted time. We are passionate and creative characters, and that can’t be a bad thing when it comes to the bedroom? people will always complain about money, but it’s not a bad paid profession, and I can guarantee, that time that we are romantic or cook you an amazing meal, after running you a bath and picking you up a little gift for thanking you for being an amazingly patient companion, I know it will be remembered and mean so much more.

I salute any partner of a chef; you truly are a special kind of person and well worth hanging on too. we don’t say it enough but you mean so much more to us then we will say, and nearly as much as getting back in that kitchen for tomorrows 16 hour day.

Everyone is a foodie these days!

It seems that nowadays you can’t switch on the television without stumbling into a cooking programme of some description either of a competitive nature, a how too programme, weekend morning social cooking programme or a factual documentary. this is brilliant news as the popularity of the food industry thrives but it does however have a minor impact on the restaurant industry at the front line, because now everybody is an expert because they have watched a couple of episodes of “great British menu” or they saw someone do something similar on TV last week!

Don’t get me wrong the increase of food knowledge for a customer is a fantastic thing for a chef, to be able to cook for someone who is passionate and understanding of food, someone who really does care about quality and sustainability, takes a genuine interest in the seasonality and locality of the produce we use. These people are a genuine pleasure to cook for and are appreciative of the length of time, depth of knowledge and creativity that is required to deliver a dish that you are proud of. (I live by the rule in the kitchen that every customer is your mum! would you serve that dish on the pass now to your mum to show what you do for a living? if the answer is no, it’s not good enough to leave the pass!)

Alongside these people are, “think they know what they are talking about, but have really missed the point type customer!” this is the customer that will swill the wine in their mouth and say something like “yes, it has good body, you can tell by the legs!” as they tilt the glass and hold it up to the light. you know, I know, the people they are at dinner with know, and probably he knows, he has not got a fucking clue what he’s talking about, and is showing off. These people are show offs, and of the worst kind, they will ask the waiter far too loudly to spread their fake knowledge blanket as far round the restaurant as possible, “Is the salmon farmed or organic?” or “Where is your lamb from?” the reason that this really makes my skin crawl, blood boil and give me a suggestion of hatred for this person, is this. They really have no interest in the answer, you could tell them the lamb is from anywhere, you could say the lamb is from the famous “bovine farm in Hampshire!” and they would lap up this bullshit, because it will not make any difference to them whatever the answer may be, they are just trying to show everyone around them how knowledgeable they think they are about food.

This is a plea firstly to the show offs, stop it! It’s annoying and embarrassing for everyone near you. And secondly to the people near them, call them out; make it stop because it is such an irritation to everyone! just enjoy that programme on the TV, share a conversation about it and watch another one similar but please don’t pretend that you are now a bucket of knowledge and trained Jedi master of the topic because you’ve watched 45 minutes on it, if it interests you that much, take the time to look into it more and then let’s have a genuine and enjoyable conversation about it. Stop showing off!

So you call yourself a chef?

Whist on my way to work for a late shift around 2pm in the afternoon, there stood a man in a stone island coat, tattooed neck support himself by holding onto an upright rail with his right hand, and supporting his alcoholism in the other with a can of special brew, cliché but true I’m afraid. I wouldn’t normally take note of others on my journey however his talk was of being a chef. He was arguing the point that he was actually “a real chef” to three girls who he vaguely knew that seemed to be trying to disassociate themselves with him quite openly. His claim to his trade was that he worked on the starter section of a chain style pub. Translation; I drop some breaded mushrooms into a fryer whilst filling a ramekin with garlic mayonnaise from a 2ltr bottle, place both together on a teardrop plate and finish with some frisee lettuce and an unhealthy drizzle of sickly sweet generic dressing. So this got me to thinking……..We call ourselves the same but you my distant industry colleague are insulting many professionals who have spent sleepless years dedicating themselves to their craft, driving themselves to inspire, create, teach and learn for many years behind them and many years to come.

So what gives a chef the right to call himself a chef? Take note of the day to day kitchen hierarchy that is used still today to denote rank, experience and pay grade in a kitchen. Commis chef; literally translating to “bit chef.” Demi chef meaning “half chef,” sous chef as you may well know is the head chef’s right hand man and is the head chef in his absence, again literally translates as “under chef.” And then we have college leavers that believe that by finishing college learning traditional dishes and working part time in a restaurant they should automatically be elevated to the stardom of senior chef superiority?

Becoming a chef for me is still well underway after 14 years of hard work, no days off for weeks, sleep depraved, shocking eating habits, binge drinking, 90 hour weeks and here comes another cliché; blood, sweat and tears. Because yes I have dedicated my life to my craft, cutting and burning myself, failing relationships, endlessly striving to achieve more; be a better chef, learn more and stay up to date with the ever evolving fashion of food that we follow.

So is that man on the bus a chef? Is he fuck, unless he dramatically changes his mind set and ambition he will never be a chef. Being a chef is a lifelong commitment that is endured because without any hesitation a chef would not consider a career change for a better salary or relaxed hours because we unequivocally love it, the lifestyle, the long hours the ambition and likeminded people that become your closest friends. Even the bad days make you better and stronger.

Being a chef is so much more than a title.